Harvey Moron

(Because we found a scrap of space in the living room that wasn't full of techno clutter.)

ME: I want to purchase this package deal you have in your catalogue, please.

HARVEY MORON SALESPESON: That's a national catalogue.

ME: Meaning?

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Meaning we don't have that here in this store.

ME: Oh, okay. Well, do you have it at another store?

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Yes. Let me ring them to find out.

(LENGTHY PERIOD OF TIME SPENT WAITING IN HOT, CROWDED NOISY STORE ON A SUNDAY)

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Yes. They have it in the city store. It's been put on hold for you until tomorrow.

ME: And it's the package that I want that is for EGGSBOX?

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Yes. Absolutely.

***********************************

Next day at the city store:

ME: I'm here to pick up the package deal that is being held for me.

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Which one is that?

ME: The one that's in your catalogue. For EGGSBOX. The one I was told was being held here, in my name.

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON: Let me just go check.....

(LONG WAIT IN ANOTHER LOUD, CROWDED, HOT HARVEY MORON STORE AT MONDAY LUNCHTIME)

HARVEY MORON SALESPERSON returns carrying a small case

HMS: Here you go.

ME: Um, that's not the whole package. That's just the software.

HMS: Oh. What was the package you were after again?

ME: (sighing and restraining the urge to grind my teeth) The one that is in your catalogue. The one that I was told yesterday was being held here, for me, in my name. The one for EGGSBOX.

HMS: Okay, hang on.

(LONGER WAIT ... see above re noise, heat and crowd)

HMS returns carrying VERY LARGE HEAVY box and smaller case containing software.

ME: Is that the correct package for the EGGSBOX platform?

HMS: Yes, that's the one.

ME: Does it have a handle?

HMS: No.

ME: Then I'm not going to be able to carry it, am I?

HMS: You can arrange pick up at the delivery bay....

(Let me spare you the rest, suffice to say that the delivery bay was hidden underground and contained a lot of rather smelly garbage bins. I didn't enjoy the 25 minutes I spent waiting there because I'm not a rat.)

Naturally, the huge box turned out NOT to be what we needed for EGGSBOX or could even use. Who ever would have thought?

Even better, it was only after it was unpacked by Noise and Pencils that this fact was discovered.... Fun times, people...

Having thrown one of my tantrums that I'm famous in our area for sorted this out - touch wood - at great expense involving lengthy cell phone conversations this morning with a very apologetic salesperson.... HARVEY MORON are going to courier out the correct package this afternoon and pick up the wrong one.

At least that's what they've told me they're going to do.

HARVEY MORON.
DON'T SHOP THERE.
EVER.

Quite off topic, Noise is paying for this latest piece of technocrap as he is now working a part time after school and weekend job. (Thankfully NOT for HARVEY MORON)
In future, he can do the buying bit too.