I've given up trying to make best friends such as Mr Scotch and Mr Whiskey. They're disappointing overall and don't mix well with the children. They can still come to my parties but they need to respect my decision.
Instead, I've opted for a flesh and blood variety because I think it's time I had a decent shag, I stopped trying the reclusive lifestyle on for size.
He (doesn't have a name yet so let's call him Mr Warm Hands) doesn't know about this blog so I'm free to say whatever I want.
I'm giddy with potential, let me tell ya. Ahh, freedom....
LAST NIGHT'S PHONE CALL:
HIM: So, anyway, tell me again - what you think are your ISSUES?
ME: Are we talking about me showing you my naked self again? (as in talking again - the naked bit hasn't hadn't happened at that stage.)
HIM: Well, actually - yes, because you know that real men don't really....
ME: Yes, I know. Men prefer curves and all that. Can we change the subject now?
HIM: I think you're .......
ME: Going all Shirley Valentine on me isn't going to guarantee you anything....
HIM: Ah, you see - now, stretchmarks are simply.....
Which confirms that he is, in fact, OLD and GAY because what other sort of man would understand the SV reference?
I don't care if he's old and/or gay because I'm desparate. Apparently.
I'm taking the afternoon off work to go on a picnic.
And my ass is still freezing.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Newsflash
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3 comments:
"You should show your stretchmarks to the world. They're very beautiful. They're part of you."
"Don't men talk bullshit?"
Hmm...seems I must be old and gay as well. Who'd have thunk it? Well, the old bit's right...but nobody's perfect.
I'm glad you're giving up the reclusive lifestyle. Time alone is good once in a while, but not as a way of life.
Best of luck with Mr. Warm Hands, I look forward to reading all about it!
Trust me, older can be FANTASTIC. And there is that truly rare man who might appear to have gay tendencies to the outside world, but I prefer to call it sensitivity and they are OUT OF THIS WORLD. Enjoy......
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