Analysis Schmanalysis....

Some time ago someone from my past contacted me
Since then we've emailed each other...
And more recently we've "chatted" online ... why don't I like that word "chat"?.. every few days or so...
Initially, I took the view that we had absolutely nothing in common
because....
well, these days I'm prone to keeping as much distance as I possibly can between myself and anyone I didn't give birth to...
and
I don't like chatting online.

but

it turns out that there is more in common than I initially thought. For instance
he is now, amongst other things, a Dog Whisperer and has a Jack russell terrier. So he has kindly been able to shed some light on my situation with NKA and POOP. Turns out it's THEM making the rules and ME that's being trained, just the way they want me. Who knew (well, pretty much all of us but...)

So this chatting... it's nice. We don't revisit 'the good old days back when' because, frankly, I don't think either one of us remembers them that well.

We don't flirt because, frankly, I've forgotten how and it would not be cool.

As we chat, he discloses more information about himself and I'm surprised by how similar our paths have been over the years. Of course, I remain guarded - very guarded - in how much of this I disclose to him.

I am reminded of why we were close, albeit for a short time only, way back when because whilst I am being guarded, he is quick to pick up on and touch gently upon what it is I'm guarding.

I must have always been thus.

After a lengthy online conversation on Saturday night, I went to bed and dreamt that it was all those years ago when we said goodbye to each other.

We lived in different states (geographically speaking) to begin with and his work was sending him overseas and it was just meant to be a short, light-hearted non-serious fling - which was perfectly legal back in those days - and of course I was perfectly happy to wave goodbye.

Except that on the day he was to leave, I found myself weeping scalding hot silent tears and feeling as though my heart was going to break into a thousand pieces as we hugged in the car at his departure. Pulling back, I felt ashamed and tried to brush the tears away before he noticed them. Only I noticed that there were more tears than just mine. He was all teary too. We'd spent a week before that running around being youthful and laughing. At everything. Mostly each other.

Time passed. Before long I had pretty much forgotten my tears and moved on. We stayed in contact - via letters, this was pre email days - after a while even the letters phased out.

Let me just disavow those of you who are nodding your heads in a knowing way and wagging your fingers in my direction - this contact we have now is nothing more than two friends catching up. This is not leading anywhere. The idea is... preposterous.

I'm intrigued at how my subconscious wanted me to reconnect with how I was feeling though, all those years ago, by the dream in which this all happened again. (And no, Mr Hughes, I had not eaten a large msg-saturated Chinese meal that night.)
It really felt like my heart was breaking all over again in the dream. Naturally, this put me a bit out of sorts for most of the day yesterday which then led to some slightly excessive Lindt chocolate consumption and a note to self to back off the online chatting.

Unless it's for more sage Dog Whispering Advice.