Update

Whatever you do... don't go here and look at this.



Oh dearie me...Dungbeetle!!... I'd already seen it before and had managed to blank it from my memory...... oh my eyes, my eyes.....



(What? I told you not to go there and look.)



My weekend was good. Better even.

*****

The following is an earlier post I wrote (yesterday) but didn't publish but I will now.. just because:

"I blinked and it's Monday and I'm back at work.
Dammit.

And now.. because it's been a while...here's an update on the bus trip into work.

Everyone on the damn bus is sneezing and coughing and..gah...touching stuff....I'm wearing gloves and it's not just because my hands are cold...

The gloves are for the trip in and the trip out. So I don't have to touch stuff.

In between they are kept in a plastic bag in the bottom desk drawer. ( I know, you are probably wondering how I manage to live in this world, let alone have sex etc etc...)

(Oh, you weren't?)

Surely I can't be the only person in One Horse with mysophobia???

I'm keeping the antibacterial wipe manufacturers wealthy.

In other news:

Despite the weekend going so quickly, we had fun.

Friday night Greg came over and we drank red wine and port (to excess) and wasn't it fun collecting firewood in the dark and revving up the chainsaw.

(Oh shut up...Greg was sober and he works with chainsaws and things like that so it was safe. I was the one who stood as far away as possible, holding the wine glasses and giggling whilst staggering around...because I am retarded)

Thankfully my neighbours are all deaf.

Well, they are now.

Saturday morning I was Soccer-Mom-with-Rather-Fuzzy-Head.

Only, it was on the inside so nobody knew. Except for Noise and Pencils. Pencils was bemused and said, "Gee Mum, I just can't imagine you being a bit drunk ..."*splutters*

Good lord, has that child lived her entire life wrapped up in a box???
Or does she just have a defective imagination?
Oh no, that's right.

I wait until after they are in bed to turn into Lushy Mummy.

I had to confess that I was slightly hungover because I was incredibly hungover and even with my glasses on was having trouble seeing anything, let alone focusing on it.

I'm honest with my children. The way I see it is I was really setting a good example.

See, Mummy drinks but she does it quietly, safely and never drives when she's had a couple...

Thank the Goddess for children who are good sleepers...

Luckily for me the hangover disappeared completely after a strong coffee and a donut (for which I am truly sorry, Diet Fairy but sometimes you just have to you know?)

I spent an exciting hour and a half standing on the sideline, in the biting cold, watching soccer.

Who knew that other Soccer Moms would be some of the funniest women I've ever met?
Noise and his team mates showed themselves to be the best bunch of kids ever. They played skilfully and fairly.

The opposition team were a bunch of foul-mouthed, feral knuckle dragging apes and because of their bad sportsmanship I'm going to name them and shame them.

Still, what can you expect? They were from Black Forest...which explains a lot...

They were hurling insults at Noise's team because they have three girls on the team.

Yes, Girls!! Quick, somebody call someone!!

Girls who played way, way , way better than they did. They were bunch of uncoordinated cave monkeys!!

I am Soccer Mom. Hear Me Roar."

Amen. Now I can go post about what happened last night.